The past few days have brought new things to my attention, as I try to deliberately misunderstand this chaotic world. I remembered how Lea told me at the eve of the fall, “We must try anything.” In a ruthless, lawless mad world like this, this becomes your lifestyle. “Try anything.” This brought to my attention hope – that there is always a way of survival, even when all conventional ways die out. I was lost in a world with no maps, ways or lights. I follow the remnants of what has become an ancient past, avoiding colonies on my path. Every now and then I see one of them gated colonies – high white walls surrounding them in silence – while military eyes are looking down from high towers on every edge. I have not been to one since the fall, but I can only imagine how they have it all. But far more often I meet settlers, formerly urbanized, now they scorch the land in desperation to feed their basic needs – just like I do. I have, however, chosen to “try anything,” and I have to yet establish my own settlement with a group of settlers of my own kind. I have to yet meet them.

I hear Lea’s voice, tattooed inside my head. “Try anything.” All I want is Lea, but where is she in this wide vicious world I still have to find out. Could she be living in the gated colonies? Is she enslaved there, is she an enslaver? Or has she settled with some settlers away in a far land? She smelled of jasmine, as she always kept a few petals in her dress pocket. Is she living by an arching Jasmine tree in some sunny Mid-earth landscape? Or is she up here in the far cold Nordistan? I wonder if “try anything” applies to her living style too – I just hope that she has more options than that. I am right now covered in a fiber blanket under a flowerless tree. The tree trunk works to block wind and unwarrantable visitors in this bright night. The sun is still up, and the horizon reflects a shade of orange that I have never seen before. Is she there where the sun sets? Does she wake up to a rising sun somewhere? How do I get to her with no commuters, on foot? Even beasts are untrustworthy these days.

I think I will have to just, “try anything.”